I can't freaking take it anymore. I really can't.
I don't care if people say I'm whining or I'm not looking at the bright side of things, but currently, my life freaking sucks. First off, my mom went for a blood test the other day and is having problems with her thyroid, and because of the numbers on her results, she believes she could possibly have kidney disease/failure and she's been crying all night. Second, a few days ago I twisted my neck the wrong way and completely screwed it up. For about 5 days I've had horrible pain on the right side of my neck, going from the base of my head all the way down to the right shoulder blade. I've already nearly blacked out twice. On top of that, I decided to search up on neck injuries and discovered that I could POSSIBLY have whiplash. If my neck pain doesn't go away in a week, I could end up in the damn hospital. Third, I've had to put up with people here on dA... people who I thought were supposed to be my FRIENDS. Trust me, reading comments talking bad about me or bad about things on my page are not pleasant to read while you've got pain shooting down your neck and can hardly turn your head without hurting yourself even more. Fourth, I'm just about fed up with the people I surround myself with, specifically my so-called "friends". I'm tired of being abandoned, taken for granted, and used by the people I pour my trust into. Do you have ANY freaking idea what it's like to dedicate your time and work into making friends happy almost constantly, giving things to them for NO REASON just to see them happy with what you've done, and then them not give a shit about you, what you're going through, and take everything like a fucking joke. I've never asked for anything in return... I can't tell any of you how many times I've had to bite my tongue and hold back from telling any one of my friends off for something they did to me or said about me. I've never held grudges for insane amounts of time, and I've always had to be the one to suck it up and move on. Still, no matter what they had said about me or what they had done, I still had the respect for them to continue talking with them and being there. It's honestly painful having to pretend I'm happy when I'm really not... and I'm sick and tired of how everyone acts. I could freaking beg and plead and try to get people I know to understand my problems, but they still wouldn't care... because it isn't their problem. Is that what a friend is supposed to be? Right about now, I just feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of acquaintances just taking advantage of me for what I can give to make their lives any better. Then, as soon as they have the chance and they've gotten bored of me, they'll just leave. Hell, it's to the point where my friends have to lie to my face and make excuses about why I can't visit them. It's almost like they just want to keep from looking bad in front of my other "friends" when I ask them about it in public. What feels even better is when other so-called "friends" are told they can visit whenever the hell they want right in front of my face. Then they decide to act like they actually do want me around and do so whenever they choose like those things in the past have never happened. I really feel like I'd be better off being a fucking cold, emotionless robot the rest of my life just to get away from my problems... but I also feel like that would hurt me more than solve anything. No doubt, the funniest thing about my friends is how they blow off what I tell them, but then tell me things and expect me to take interest in them. Where the HELL is that fair? Aren't friends SUPPOSED to give a shit about you?
I just want to know someone for ONCE in my life that will actually care about me when I care about them and not just come to me when they're bored.
This is why I never leave my bedroom and sit on my laptop all day. It's boring... but it's better than dealing with this crap.
You know what the funniest thing out of all this is? The latest fucking insult towards me has yet to bear a reply of "I'm sorry" without throwing in damned comedy like everything is a joke. I honestly think I've never truly been told "I'm sorry" by ANY one of my friends for ANYTHING they've done to upset me...
I'm seriously gonna lose it one day. I really am.
I'm going to bed now... my head hurts, I'm aggravated, and my shoulder is being annoying with the stupid pains.
Thanks for putting up with my ranting... if you've actually read through all of this